Adam and Steve

“The world did not start with Adam and Steve,” Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-Tex.) told reporters.

I hate to jump to conclusions but I have to assume that Looney Louie is playing the literal Adam and Eve card. Like they were two people in a jungle-type area, and there was literally a talking snake and literally God was walking along with them. And he was a guy, with a hole stack of white hair. And everyone was buck-ass naked.

To Louie, this all makes sense and none of it could possibly be metaphor. The snake representing the evil that lurks in the soul of men? No way—the snake, literally a snake, caused the evil. He didn’t represent anything. Those were the first two people. The snake was a snake. Moses was 800 years old. And the wine was grape juice¹.

Seriously—how do they keep letting retarded people into congress? Is this a southern thing? Whose big fucking brilliant idea was it to try to retain the southern yahoos 145 years ago? Lincoln? Man, he screwed the pooch on that one. Lock them out and maybe we could actually return some sense to our public discourse.

Fundies trip me out. I am glad this is a passing fad. 20 years from now, these dips will be the orange and green refrigerators of our time. Out of date and stupid looking. Take the old testament for what it is – truth, not fact – and a whole new world of understanding will embrace you. Until then, go back to your trailer, lay a big wet kiss on your cousin and flip on some Hee-Haw reruns, your work here is done.

¹ Seriously, I don’t get the whole “it was a different kind of wine, it was grape juice” crowd. How can the whole book be literal and that one word be wrong? If it was grape juice, retranslate the book. I am guessing if god says it was wine and the bible is his inerrant word, he meant wine.

(the Washington Post.)